I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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