went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize