In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
