Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
