Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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