tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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