Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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