i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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