This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
