I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
