dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
