He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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