the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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