Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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