I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
