you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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