Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize