In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
