Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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