Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
