all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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