Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize