She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
