I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
