I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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