I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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