video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
