People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
