Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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