I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Randomize
