the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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