She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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