grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
