I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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