I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Terrible idea I love it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
