oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
