i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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