There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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