If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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