playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
