haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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