it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
