I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
