I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
