theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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