Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
