Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We talked him into tasing himself.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
