do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
