thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
