I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
