There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
