Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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