you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
