Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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