but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
