currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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