The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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