I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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