Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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