also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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