did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you had me at cake vodka
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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