Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
