weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize