I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
